Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
