When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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