I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
