In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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