what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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