after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
