I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
