Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
