I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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