i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
