It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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