PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
