ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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