Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize