wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
