I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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