we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if only i could text you this smell
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
