If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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