I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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