It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
