I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
