guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
