Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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