Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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