I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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