My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
