I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I will pee on everything he values.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
