You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
