Sponge bath it is.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
