Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
