why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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