How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
