booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize