Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
