physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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