either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
