Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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