what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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