My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You work out of a Hotel?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
