Tell her she can't have a vagina
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
