sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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