I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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