Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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