If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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