Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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