Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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