I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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