he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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