Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
