soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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