Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
