did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
