So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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