I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
