You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
