I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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