He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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