he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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