so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
