Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
