I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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