This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
