A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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